Ironic Monday

My wife and I are having a really weird day today.

I slept horribly. She couldn’t go to sleep last night. We both woke up like we had only slept an hour or so. Without any provocation, the Television came on at about 6 a.m. and of course the volume was set at maximum. Around 6:10 or so the neighborhood dogs started going nuts (we believe we know why now). Misti was set to finally go to the gym, and I was finally dressed to go to work. We walked out the front door and the tire on my vehicle was completely flat. Misti sets down her purse and some water she takes with her to the gym; both spilled all over the driveway. Then a dog, (if you can call it that) came up to us in the front yard whimpering. It was a full grown male Rottweiler. It weighed about 125 lbs, without nads thank God, and appeared to have an injury to his front right leg, hence the noise from the other dogs I’m guessing. We put it in the backyard, and start to get the vehicles ready so we can get to work and the gym. (Darian my daughter, looked out the back window and said rather flatly “There’s a Shetland Pony in the back yard.” Like if she always looks in the backyard and sees a different animal every Monday morning.

We get everything situated and off to work I go. Misti decides to forego the gym for the moment and call the owners of the Rottweiler. They have their phone number on the dog tag which you would think would make it convenient. She gets a hold of the owners/neighbors, her name is Maria, and they say they are out of town until one p.m. This just keeps getting better! Misti decides to feed the Baby Eater some left over brisket to avert his attention from our 3 year old daughter until his owners get back into town. His name is Bruno by the way. Maria calls back a little later to check on Bruno because she is really worried about him. Apparently they have an evil neighbor (Not me.) who already has poisoned them (the dogs, not Maria) once and she wanted to see if he was still okay. Their girl dog is at their house, but lethargic....stay tuned.

Misti goes upstairs to find that our oldest daughter left her bathroom exhaust fan all night. What would have probably only been a mention at the breakfast table like, “hey can you make sure the fan is off in your bathroom before you go to bed? You know there are Haitians out there that don’t have fans in their bathrooms. They have to sit in the smell of their own funk until it dissipates.” Turned into something like, “Hey Ms. Gates! You need to learn to turn off that fan! I’m getting real tired of telling you turn it off, but I realize you probably can’t hear me because the damn fan is on!”

I get on the road and get cut off by a fat woman in a Mercedes that she’s gotten “Courtesy of Boerne Mercedes Benz”. Hmmm I wonder why that might be. She’s putting Mascara on while talking on her Blackberry. She’s also in the left lane going about 15 miles an hour slower than the posted speed, which means that everybody and their dog (pun intended) is getting in front of her. So what normally is a 20 to 25 minute trip turns into 45.

Misti emailed me once I got to work and notified me that, “Ally (our Three year old handful) found a packaged tampon in the bathroom . She unwrapped it and ate it.”
Our day is eerily turning into that Alanis Morrisette song “Ironic”.
;-)