Whoopee Cushion

I usually don't blog about pilots or stewardess' anymore for a couple of reasons. 1, it may be a luck thing which is odd since I don't believe in luck. And 2, the blogs about airline personnel can get pretty rude pretty quick. It’s similar to the old adage about no news is good news. If I don't blog about them it's usually because I've had some good experiences, but nobody wants to read a blog about how the really hot stewardess gave me two bottles of scotch for free and poured them while sitting on my lap laughing the whole time at every joke I made. Everybody (the hordes of thousands) want to read about the travel train-wrecks.
I don't want to disappoint you but this one is more of an obvious humorous observation.
Here goes:
My head flight attendant, Sally is so pale I would understand why she only works red eyes like the one I'm on. I mean she is so pale if you look real hard you can see her heart beating. Like Edward Cullen's aunt kind of pale. I raised my window shade so I could read some paperwork, and she made what sounded like a cat's hiss. Not to be too mean, but I think she may drink blood for sustenance. The 2nd flight attendant is Sue who is about 45 or so and is ridiculously cross eyed. Like so cross eyed that when she put on the air mask it looked like she was staring intensely at the center of it. There ought to be a couple of litmus tests one ought to take or a few questions a person should ask themselves before taking on a career that puts you in front of people every day. One question would be, “Am I so cross eyed that I could be an extra on an Optomologists commercial fixing such terrible ailments?”. Number 2 would be “If the areola on my breasts are the same width as a big gulp cup or let's say a deflated whoopee cushion, I probably shouldn't wear white shirts with thin bras. Oh and I'm really really cross eyed.”
Lastly I would be remiss if I didn't mention Pablo. Pablo has squinty eyes. Like there really may be something to this red eye thing. Anyway squinty eyed Pablo first caught my attention because he was scratching his forehead and crotch at the same time, like he was in a weird contest like the patting the head, rubbing the tummy thing we all used to do. Squinty eyed Pablo is about 55 and has a few things about him that I thought you would like to know about. You know each spring when you walk outside and see those giant black furry fuzzy catepillers on the sidewalk, just taking their sweet time to get across? Yeah well Pablo has those as eyebrows. Longest I’ve ever seen. I wanted to tell him during the flight, “I must photograph you. The world must know about your eyebrows.” I didn’t. I’m just writing about him. They were an inch at least from top to bottom, as wide as his eye socket, and they went two inches away from his brow. They also kinda flipped up at the end, like they were going to catch something falling off his forehead. Also he has a lisp. Most male flight attendants do. I fly so much I almoth do. Almoth. Thee what I mean? Anyway, Lisps either get worse with age, or Pablo hath a “Speath Impediment”.
Have a great Weekend! -_-