This is my small lil blog from Dallas Love airport.
Just saw (and heard) a black guy from Europe. Think he asked if Crumpets were served on board.
Just saw Amy Whinehouse.
Just saw an Italian check in to go to Amarillo. (He was speaking all "Italianish".
Just saw a lady from the trailer park with Double F sized boobies in a low cut blouse with a tatoo of a butterfly. Poor lil butterfly looked like he was being stretched in one of those medievil torture machines. Sadface.
Just saw a suspicious looking High Spanick. I think he's smuggling drugs or Illegal aliens in that backback. It's huge! (Yes. Both of them.)
Just saw a beautiful woman with what looked like a BB on her face. Turns out it's a piercing. ewww. Less beautiful now.
Just saw the cutest lil business man. like a four foot tall lawyer. Precious. Bet he's got a cute lil lisp when he tells you about "tortuous interference".
This just in: not Amy WhineHouse. Just a bag of Garbage with a tooth on it.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Friday, February 4, 2011
How close? Varicose.
If you see your friend Jack on the airplane you are boarding, don't tell him "Hi".
It makes the flight attendant very nervous.
I'm on a plane and I think I'm sitting next to the guy from "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" (Jeff Spicoli). With each bump it's "Whoa." or "Wow." that and he wreaks of burnt rope. I'm waiting for the question, in a Keanu Reeves accent, "Dude, how serious do you think they are about that whole (he uses the bunny ear fingers) " no smoking" thing?" I'd tell him, "I think it's ok as long as you do it in the lavatory. You have to tamper with the smoke alarm first, then you are good to go, Brah."
I'm on my way to New York for a board meeting. I'm Excited as I am being pitched as "the upside". Better that I guess than being pitched as "the one thing that held us back".
For those of you wondering, the new job is going great. I'm getting the opportunity to work with several good friends while learning a lot of new things. I'm also able to work out now which is helping me lose some weight. (I used to have to butter my hips to sit in a Continental airline seat. Now I'm just mildly uncomfortable.) With the combination of a very stressful job and some rather nasty side effects from some medication I was put on a few months ago, I needed to make a few big decisions; breast reduction or Manzeer? Quit eating like I was getting paid ala Kobayashi or do more than mental exercises.
After leaving my former company I have lost about 40 lbs. gone down 4 comfortable pants sizes. (I was going to put 5 sizes but that one pair of pants makes me feel like a eunuch). I'm down three shirt sizes and I no longer look like a bald Meatloaf from Fight Club. I'm still making people laugh only now it's in person and not in a blog and it's not quite as self deprecating, as long as you don't count the pooping bit I did the other day because of the digestion of hundreds of grams of protein powder. Felt like I was giving birth. Awful. I may be the only person in Texas with Varicose veins on his poop shoot from pushing like an unwed mother with a wooden spoon in her mouth like that one episode of Little House on the Prairie.
Seen it? It was like she was pushing out the baby sideways. I'm going to go. Just wanted you to know I'm still alive and well.
I'm going to leave you with this one little nugget of wisdom inspired by current events: Calling Egyptians, who are alive, Mummies, is racist.
;)
It makes the flight attendant very nervous.
I'm on a plane and I think I'm sitting next to the guy from "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" (Jeff Spicoli). With each bump it's "Whoa." or "Wow." that and he wreaks of burnt rope. I'm waiting for the question, in a Keanu Reeves accent, "Dude, how serious do you think they are about that whole (he uses the bunny ear fingers) " no smoking" thing?" I'd tell him, "I think it's ok as long as you do it in the lavatory. You have to tamper with the smoke alarm first, then you are good to go, Brah."
I'm on my way to New York for a board meeting. I'm Excited as I am being pitched as "the upside". Better that I guess than being pitched as "the one thing that held us back".
For those of you wondering, the new job is going great. I'm getting the opportunity to work with several good friends while learning a lot of new things. I'm also able to work out now which is helping me lose some weight. (I used to have to butter my hips to sit in a Continental airline seat. Now I'm just mildly uncomfortable.) With the combination of a very stressful job and some rather nasty side effects from some medication I was put on a few months ago, I needed to make a few big decisions; breast reduction or Manzeer? Quit eating like I was getting paid ala Kobayashi or do more than mental exercises.
After leaving my former company I have lost about 40 lbs. gone down 4 comfortable pants sizes. (I was going to put 5 sizes but that one pair of pants makes me feel like a eunuch). I'm down three shirt sizes and I no longer look like a bald Meatloaf from Fight Club. I'm still making people laugh only now it's in person and not in a blog and it's not quite as self deprecating, as long as you don't count the pooping bit I did the other day because of the digestion of hundreds of grams of protein powder. Felt like I was giving birth. Awful. I may be the only person in Texas with Varicose veins on his poop shoot from pushing like an unwed mother with a wooden spoon in her mouth like that one episode of Little House on the Prairie.
Seen it? It was like she was pushing out the baby sideways. I'm going to go. Just wanted you to know I'm still alive and well.
I'm going to leave you with this one little nugget of wisdom inspired by current events: Calling Egyptians, who are alive, Mummies, is racist.
;)
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