The Recipe

Ok. Take about 16 ounces of Cumin, or Camino as my dad used to call it, and add 3 ounces of fermented cabbage juice, Kim Chi, as the Koreans call it. Let it sit in the sun for about 5 or 6 hours. Add onions, garlic, poverty and despair. Then rub it all over your crotch. Sniff it. Repeat. That's what the old lady in front of me smells like. She's Serbian or Croatian or from Belarus, or Dead, I think. She's wearing the headscarf and shawl and can't speak any English. In fact the only thing coming out of her is fart.

This is the only odd person I’ve bumped into today. It’s actually been a pretty pleasant trip up until Bubushka the Burping Croatian sat in front of me. On the previous flight I sat next to and talked to a Norwegian. Nice guy. He told me in a rather rough accent about his two girls and his wife back home 50 miles above the arctic circle. He told me about how much he loved America and especially Texas. He was over here selling wenches for fishing. He’s the Chairman of the board of his company, Rupp Wenches. When he first told me the name of the company I thought the accent was getting in the way and that he was a Norwegian Pimp with a lisp pushing "Rough Wenches". Not the case. The part of the conversation that made me laugh, was when he talked about Lute Fiske, which is Jellied Fish meat. He asked me if I liked it, and I told him no, “Regular fish is fine with me. Jellied Strawberries are great. I’d rather have my fish fried or raw.” He said, “well it’s like a combination of both………..wrapped in bacon.” Mmmmm…Mmmmmm. He looked around the seats where we were sitting to see I guess if anybody was listening to our conversation, which I thought was odd. I was waiting for the awkward moment like, “ I like to rub the jellied fish on my……..how do you American’s say…….’Junk’.” But the awkward did not come from Johan; it came from me for the sake of laughter. After looking around for a sec, Johan says in almost a whisper, “Many American’s look down on my favorite meat though.” I waited a while not wanting to hear the Norwegian word for Crank. “Whale. Have you had it? Most American’s say, ‘Oh that is awful that you would eat such an exquisite animal.”
Here comes what I thought would be the awkward moment.

“Nope. I haven’t had whale. I’d love to try it. You know what I hear? I understand that many Norwegian’s have a problem with some of the meats Texans consider a delicacy.” Johan looks a little puzzled, “oh really? I am not aware.” I realize I’ve got him when he looks around again like he’s going to flash me at first, and turns in his seat towards me. I said, “Oh yeah. The best meat to be fair……” Then I look around the cabin to ensure no one is listening but I’m secretly hoping they are. “Is young Teen Aged Haitian. Many Norwegians find it in bad taste (Pun Intended) that we eat them before they become cab drivers in New York.” His face for about 5 seconds looked like I pooped in Seat 4 C. Then he smiled. Then a little bigger. Then he busts out laughing slapping his thigh. Then mine. (Awkward moment) Then he says, “This is why I love the US! Everybody is comedian." (Pause for Effect)"You are kidding right?”

;)

Mr. Right

I'm tickled pink. Don't know why. Just happier than a pig in the poo.
Maybe it's because Rick Perry was at my church on Sunday. He didn't say anything, he just stood up and waved to the crowd. I loved him being there though. it was like knowing that your cheering for the right side. I'm sure the democrats candidate Bill White has minions that feel that same way when Mr. White goes to an opening of an abortion clinic or a cat sacrifice. "Man I'm glad I'm following this guy! More like Bill Right if you ask me."

Maybe its because I'm working out again and I feel better than I have in a few years. I'm actually growing chest hair. Apparently, and I did not know this, if you are a man and you turn into a gelatinous blob, you will actually turn into a woman in her late 50's battling with late stage menopause. (Explains why up until recently I had hot flashes....... and sensitive sagging breasts.)

Maybe its because I'm doing a job I love again. Well not right now, but right after I post this. I had a dear friend tell me that he could hear in my voice that I was enjoying my job. I can sum up the transition from the old job to the new one in one word really: Peace. I haven't had that in a long time.

Maybe it's because I feel funny again. (Not evidenced in this particular blog posting. )

More to come. ;)