Love Letter

I am supposed to be preparing for a meeting.

I’m not.

Kind of shows why my career has sort of stalled a little bit.

I wanted to write this down while I was thinking about it though.

I love my wife so much and I find it funny that the older I get, the more I ask her, “Is this funny…..?” I run all kinds of tweets and updates through her. She is pretty funny herself but I love the validation and trust I feel with her to know, that if she thinks it’s funny, then it’s funny. That’s only one of the questions I frequently ask her. She asks me questions all the time too. Tops on the list would very likely be “Oh my goodness! Did you poot?” To which I always respond with “It must’ve been the cat or Ally”, our youngest daughter. She is nearly perfect (The wife. Not the cat and definitely not Ally). This November will be our 10^th wedding anniversary thus making me the luckiest and happiest man I know. She puts up the lot of us crazy people that come in and out of that house. She loves my children just as though she gave birth them. She works tirelessly at the house. She is an avid political fact junkie. In fact I can say, she is as passionate about politics as I am about food or diuretics. My lawn looks perfect year round because of her. I love to hear her go on and on about water restrictions. I thought she was racist once because of the yard figurines that I thought she had put up strategically throughout our yard. Turns out our yard is just the kind of place that tiny little people of color like to hang out at. Huge relief, as I am partly Black Dutch according to my grandma, but that’s a blog and a joke for another time.

 

Crisis averted

I just counted 5 people sneeze in a matter of 20 seconds at this Hudson News kiosk in Dallas. Is this how Contagion got started.?I just sneezed about a minute ago as well. I walked up to one of the other "sneezers" and asked if they had also just "bloody diarrhea'd" themselves also. They just looked at me with a disgusted face (kinda like you're making now) and said "Ew no! And get away from me!" Crisis averted! Phew!

Law and Order:SCU

1st crime scene investigator: “So. What happened here?”
2nd crime scene investigator: “Well, it looks like we have a murder suicide.”
1st crime scene investigator: “But it’s just the one fat guy, right?”
2nd crime scene investigator: “Yeah, but it looks like he killed his self with coffee. Overstimulation. Apparently the guy could see in the future for a few minutes. Poor bastard forgot that coffee was a diarrhetic.”
1st crime scene investigator: “yeah. Looks like the crime scene cleaners are going to be here for a while.”
2nd crime scene investigator: “Yep. It’s a real mess. I don’t get paid enough for this … well you know.”
1st crime scene investigator: “Funny. So, his heart just exploded, huh?”
2nd crime scene investigator: “yep. He started doing work at his computer this morning with a Starbucks Venti Café Americano, even though he had already had a half pot of coffee before that. He went to Starbucks early to try to do something nice for his wife and 17 year old daughter. His mistake; also getting a coffee.”
1st crime scene investigator: “Café Americano?”
2nd crime scene investigator: “You betcha. Poor guy raced home, handed the women their coffees, and went upstairs to work. He started typing so fast on work and something he called,” investigator looks at his notepad, “according to his wife, ‘A therapeutic blog’. The caffeine hit his frontal lobe so fast that he could actually see in the future for a few minutes.”
1st crime scene investigator: “That explains why he’s naked.”
2nd crime scene investigator: “Does it? Seems like a bit of a perve to me. I mean, why would you want someone to find you like this?”
1st crime scene investigator: “Well apparently he got really sweaty because of the rush of caffeine. That explains the nakedness.”
2nd crime scene investigator: “if you say so. It just seems a little odd to me. He had so much to live for. He was obviously intelligent. I mean,he invented cold fusion before his heart exploded and passed through his bowels. He just couldn’t see the fact that his blood had been replaced with coffee. Ironic, isn’t it?”
1st crime scene investigator: “Yeah. Poor Bastard.”