Today I was flying from Amarillo to San Antonio. I had to sit next to the hAiriest bear of a man that I've had to sit next to in recent memory. The real issue I had with him was that he obviously had a problem with his testicles. He sat in his middle seat like Jean Claude Van Damme. You know, when he was in Timecop and did the splits on the countertop? Anyway my second biggest issue with John Claude gosh damn was that he was a sweater. Not like the kind you would like to see on your high school sweetheart. The kind who is nervous in court because he knows where the bodies are buried. Dude was profusely sweating. On his hairy legs. That were touching me. I know they say you can't get AIDS from toilet seats or Mosquitos but how about hairy business men with testicle problems? I mean the guy was sweating on me so bad that before we landed I could taste in my mouth that he had pico de gallo 42 minutes before and that he was molested by a relative ( I think an uncle) at 14 on a hunting trip. When I reached the Dallas' airport, my entire right thigh was wet down to my knee. I was waiting for the guy to apologize right before I deplaned but he didn't. For some reason I was expecting his apology in a lisp. Don't know why. I just guess that people who are outwardly weaker than me have a lisp. But that's my problem; not Schwedy BearBallerson's.
The weirdest part was when he got up all wet with his dermal waste. He looked directly into my eyes like a priest. ( I've never been to a priest because I'm a southern man who was never been molested, but it just seems to me like they would look at you directly in the eyes for some reason.)
Anyway the sweaty guy looked directly into my soul... ( I'm probably being melodramatic.) and said, "Enjoy your time in Scottsdale.". In a deep creepy voice. My plane wasn't going to Scottsdale, but now, for some strange reason, I feel compelled to go. Does Schwedy BearBallerson know about my allergies to pollen? Did he think we "bonded" through some sort of "waste transference"? Did he hear me ask for a towel from the flight attendant? (No. I didn't)
The whole ordeal just seemed odd so I thought I would share. :)