HulKolin

I’m in a good mood today, although I probably shouldn’t be. Over the holidays I ate with reckless abandon so now my clothes fit like Saran Wrap. I’m afraid if I sneeze, I’m going to come out of my clothes like an Albino version of the Incredible Hulk. I looked at the Treadmill this morning and said, “I wonder if John Doe is on Face Book.”, and did that instead. My little 14 year old teenager told me last night that her stomach is a little sore because she just did 75 sit ups. She does 75 every day. I told her that I feel like one of those fat older women that I dislike that say every 5 minutes, “If I just look at Cheesecake, the weight goes straight to my hips.” I know looking at Cheesecake didn’t cause my pants to fit like Spandex. It’s eating like I’m trying to find some sort of life saving antidote in whatever I’m eating. Like I have to get my fat reserves up or I’m not going to be able to feed my cubs or make it through the long winter. Here’s some Alanis Morrisette Irony for you:

• My wife is so enthusiastic right now about getting in shape.


• I get emails once or twice a day from a company sponsored marathon training group. (They have a better chance of seeing my Lord and Savior run in a Marathon!)


• I went home a little early to pick up my daughter from high school. I asked what she wanted to eat. She said “Something with Hamburger.” That I can do. I wanted to do the healthiest thing, since she’s an athlete, so I took some lean ground chuck, covered it with gourmet grill seasoning, and grilled it over mesquite coals. So far so good. I should’ve quit while I was ahead. I brought the beautifully browned 12 oz. patties back in the house to everyone’s “ooos and ahhhs!”. I stuck them in Tortillas that were grilled with a pat of butter. Kinda like a meat pastry. I cut one of the Tortillas in half and stuck it in between each 6 oz half moon, slathered, (yes I said slathered) mayonnaise and served it up to the family. The family (wife was out doing shopping) said it was better than the Burgers they ate at Bigz, a local burger joint that is rather famous for their burgers.


• It’s hard being good when I’m so good at being bad. (Good title for my next Country song)


• I have a 50 million dollar gym in the basement of the building I work in.


• I topped off my Tortilla burger last night with Low Carb ice cream, one of the greatest contradictions of terms.


• My boss, whose not from this country, (He’s from a country that rhymes with “Bindia”) the other day said, “Colin, did you know vee have a gym downstairs? Hah hah hah! It’s Wery Wery Nice.” in a “Bindian” accent. I replied very loudly, (in my mind) “Really? Do you pass it on the way to your Speech Pathology class?” Outwardly I said, “Yes sir. I just haven’t had any time to get down there as yet.” He said, “Oh you should. It is wery vorthvile. Plus, you get to shower with your co-vorkers.” I made the last one up. I may still be a little bitter about having my “Veight” brought up at “Vork”.
  ;-)