If ashtrays could fart

On my flight tonight I saw the cutest old lady. In fact, she sat down next to me. She was about 4’10” and frail looking. When I asked her how she was doing, she replied in a voice that sounded like she had gargled with hot boiling oil since the Carter administration that she was “Mighty Fine”. She told me in that same gravelly voice that she was going back to her farm in Nebraska after visiting her daughter in Colorado. I noticed when she got on the plane, and I’m not making this up, her carry on was a case of Marlboro reds. 12 cartons. That did explain how her breath smelled like, well like if an ashtray had a nasty butthole. Like if ashtrays could fart. She was sweet though, bless her heart.

 I also saw 8 cross-eyed people and 3 cleft palates get on this plane to Omaha. Had to mention that. Seemed odd to me. Like I was on some kind of Americans for disability act (ADA) flight.